


Memories and Dreams

by NannaSally



Series: Dreams and Memories [1]
Category: Blake's 7
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-08 09:28:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14102427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NannaSally/pseuds/NannaSally
Summary: Blake has to find the difference between memories and dreams





	1. What is a Dream?

 

 

> **_Memory versus Dream_ **
> 
> _What is memory?_
> 
> _Is it what happened?_
> 
> _What is a Dream?_
> 
> _Is it what might have happened?_
> 
> _How to contain memory?_
> 
> _Erase? Prune?_
> 
> _How to survive memory?_
> 
> _Wait? Deny? Hide…_
> 
> _Nanna Sally Nelson 2016_

 

 

 


	2. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may have read this before, I am consolidating some small stories to make them more coherent, I hope.

Nightmares, more and more intense, almost every night. He had suffered from them on the  _London_  prison transport, but so had just about every other prisoner there - no one had come through unscathed by the Federation Justice System or the Security Department. And it was such a strange, frightening experience for almost everyone, going up in a spaceship with no real idea of what to expect when they got there. So no one had really paid attention to his nightmares, they were too busy dealing with their own. Besides, they were all on a dose of suppressants - there was only so far you could go to avoid eating and drinking, and breathing? that could not be safely escaped.  But now the dreams were definitely becoming more and more intense, more frequent.

He often woke up sweating and sure he had been crying or even screaming - surprised no one had heard him through the walls of the ship.

This was one reason he had preferred to have at least one empty cabin between himself and the rest of the crew - he had commandeered the end cabin for himself, and the next as a kind of office so as not to be too blatant about his need to divorce himself physically from the others. With 24 cabins and 6 crew, this was not really a problem and everyone was glad to have some privacy after the cramped, shared quarters of the prison ship.

The nightmares were also part of the  reason he preferred not to take a permanent sexual partner. A pleasant, friendly exchange was one thing, especially at a time of celebration when the natural adrenaline - not that bottled stuff Vila was so keen on - and the high of success meant he could stay awake long enough to leave without upsetting his partner.

But an ogoing relationship? That would mean going to sleep together, waking up together, even when sex was not on the agenda - this he did not think he could manage, and frankly he was not sure he wanted to. To trust someone so much he could let them see the results of his imagination? No - he needed to keep up the image of himself as the Strong One, the One Who Always Knew.

He was quite aware that more than one member of the crew would gladly take their friendship another step - he could always depend on a willing partner on those occasions that sex was what he wanted. It would not take much courting to woo one of them to become a more permanent facet of his life - that was only too obvious. And if he felt that the present crew might take offense, well he was aware of the effect he generally had on people, many of them made it clear. But the idea of adding another member to the team based on that purpose alone did not seem justified.

Its not as if he was not tempted himself, he was living and working in close contact with a group of healthy, attractive men and women. He was not particularly focussed on gender, all had something to offer that he knew he could enjoy and did on occasion, but he really did not want that level of commitment. And it seemed somewhat unfair to foist his type of need on another when they may well want more than he could offer.

Maybe one day when he had achieved his goals he would be able to look at things differently. When danger was not so much a part of their daily lives, when one or other of them was not so likely to be abruptly left due to the violence of their lifestyle - and maybe the nightmares would also be at bay by then and he could allow his feelings to go further.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Memory. Such a simple word and most people took it for granted. He knew better. 

Memories could be blocked, tampered with even inserted where they did not belong. 

And now his memories were returning bit by bit. Some days a lot, other days a little. At times he was stunned by the depth of what he suddenly remembered. 

The problem was deciding what was a true memory returning and what was an inserted memory trying to overcome the true one.  

It all began when he saw Bran Foster for the first time – again. His face, his voice and the story he told was like a key unlocking the first of a series of doors guarding the memory paths that the Federation had played with. The shock of remembering what had gone before, and the certainty that this was real, was something he held to as other memories started replaying. 

Unfortunately it turned out that many of his nightmares were based on truth. People - friends dying around him. People – enemies causing pain. Shouting, bright lights flashing. All too true. 

How much of the rest of his dream life was truth? He may never know. He was not sure how much he did want to know... 


	4. Scent and Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A tug of memory

In the Domes, the suppressants in the multi-recycled air meant that individuals were "encouraged" to keep body odour to a minimum. It made it difficult to identify someone by scent unless they were really up close, which included co-workers, security officers and...personal companions.

So when Blake caught a scent that seemed to tug at a memory he knew it must be someone he had been close to, probably very close and quite frequently. The memory was there, he just needed to pull the thread.

It was like a whisper on the wind, a not quite heard snippet of conversation that you are sure included your name. It brought with it fragments of remembered touch. A comfortable yet enticing touch like music which accompanied a satisfying experience.

He remembered ... curls? Yes definitely curls, tighter than his own and darker. A warmth close to him. A soft voice speaking in his ear. And a giggle.

And today that was all he had, but it was more than he had yesterday. And he was happy.


	5. Remembered Affection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blake remembers more and why he chose his path.

A quick hug from Jenna when he returned from his first adventure in the teleporter was the trigger for a train of memories for Roj. After he had installed Gan and Vila as members of the crew he allowed the train to roll. 

The hug... arms around his neck. A small body nestling into his arms. That remembered giggle and curly hair. Now he knew it was his sister he remembered. The sister that had been arrested and deported after his own capture along with their brother. Now dead.

His brother had taken after their father, straight hair and tall, lithe body. His mother had given Roj and his sister her stocky stature and the curls. But they all shared their father's glorious smile.

Da had been always ready to tell his stock of stories that all started "Once upon a time before the Federation..." Stories of Old Earth, the Old Calendar full of heroes and legends. These had triggered his interest in history and he had discovered in the dust filled aisles of the restricted section of his university's library that characters such as Robin Hood endured and were renewed down through the centuries. A hero who stood up to the status quo and challenged its standing initially appealed to his romanticism and then matured into a whole political stance against governmental tyranny.

Mamma had been keen for her children to experience Fresh Food. So she grew a few herbs on the windowsills, some greens in a vase of water and made friends with a neighbour who worked in the hydroponic gardens which supplied the dome's food processing plants with initial produce. A few tomatoes, the occasional lettuce. Even a fondly remembered handful of grapes. Until the neighbour disappeared and his family disappeared one night. Another early sign to Roj of the government's disdain for the individual.

When Roj was 16 his father managed to get him a ticket to see his uncle Ushton on the planet Exbar with his daughter Inga who was several years younger. Like many children Inga looked up to her marvellous older cousin. Someone who belonged to her, not to the other children on the prison planet. She showed him off to her neighbours and took him to see all her special places, the biggest tree in the district, a warren of burrowing animals, the rock with a hole in where she stored her treasures.

In his turn, Roj was charmed by the freshfaced youngster and basked in her admiration. Inga's mother had died some years before so it was just her and her father in that harsh place. The subsistence level of living meant that the colonists did not get the opportunity to socialise much and Ushton's dugout was some distance from the school. School was held once a week where homework was distributed to be completed before the following session. In between she helped her father with his hunting and trapping, gathering firewood and all the other chores necessary to their survival, all of which contributed more immediately to their ongoing comfort. But the colonists traded what books they owned and as they were mostly political exiles of one sort or another there were frequent discussions of how to Fix the Federation – a topic that had brought them all together here on Exbar.

On his return he learned that his mother had died in a reported transporter accident while visiting a popular public leisure spot with a group of friends. Years later he learned that it had coincided with the Mellanby Uprising.

So when a friend approached him at University and suggested he might like to attend a meeting with Bran Foster, he was easily recruited to the cause of removing the Federation and replacing it with a system that the honest man could live with.

**Author's Note:**

> will be added to over time - little snippets


End file.
